> Skip to content
  • Published: 18 June 2018
  • ISBN: 9780812989151
  • Imprint: Random House US Group
  • Format: Paperback
  • Pages: 240
  • RRP: $37.00

If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?

My Adventures in the Art and Science of Relating and Communicating



Alda has been on a decades-long journey to discover new ways to help people communicate and relate to each other more effectively. If I Understood You is the warm, witty and informative chronicle of how Alda found inspiration in everything from cutting-edge science to classic acting methods. In his wry and wise voice, Alda reflects on moments of miscommunication in his own life, when an absence of understanding resulted in problems both big and small. Drawing on improvisation training, theater and storytelling techniques from a life of acting, and with insights from recent scientific studies, Alda describes ways we can build empathy, nurture our innate mind-reading abilities, and improve the way we relate and talk with others. Offering empathy-boosting games and exercises, If I Understood You is a funny, thought-provoking guide that can be used by all of us, in every aspect of our lives--with our friends, lovers, and families, with our doctors, in business settings, and beyond.

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Award-winning actor Alan Alda tells the fascinating story of his quest to learn how to communicate better, and to teach others to do the same. With his trademark humor and candor, he explores how to develop empathy as the key factor.

“Invaluable.”—Deborah Tannen, #1 New York Times bestselling author of You’re the Only One I Can Tell and You Just Don’t Understand

Alan Alda has been on a decades-long journey to discover new ways to help people communicate and relate to one another more effectively. If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face? is the warm, witty, and informative chronicle of how Alda found inspiration in everything from cutting-edge science to classic acting methods. His search began when he was host of PBS’s Scientific American Frontiers, where he interviewed thousands of scientists and developed a knack for helping them communicate complex ideas in ways a wide audience could understand—and Alda wondered if those techniques held a clue to better communication for the rest of us.

In his wry and wise voice, Alda reflects on moments of miscommunication in his own life, when an absence of understanding resulted in problems both big and small. He guides us through his discoveries, showing how communication can be improved through learning to relate to the other person: listening with our eyes, looking for clues in another’s face, using the power of a compelling story, avoiding jargon, and reading another person so well that you become “in sync” with them, and know what they are thinking and feeling—especially when you’re talking about the hard stuff.

Drawing on improvisation training, theater, and storytelling techniques from a life of acting, and with insights from recent scientific studies, Alda describes ways we can build empathy, nurture our innate mind-reading abilities, and improve the way we relate and talk with others. Exploring empathy-boosting games and exercises, If I Understood You is a funny, thought-provoking guide that can be used by all of us, in every aspect of our lives—with our friends, lovers, and families, with our doctors, in business settings, and beyond.

“Alda uses his trademark humor and a well-honed ability to get to the point, to help us all learn how to leverage the better communicator inside each of us.”—Forbes

“Alda, with his laudable curiosity, has learned something you and I can use right now.”—Charlie Rose

  • Published: 18 June 2018
  • ISBN: 9780812989151
  • Imprint: Random House US Group
  • Format: Paperback
  • Pages: 240
  • RRP: $37.00

About the author

Alan Alda

Alan Alda played 'Hawkeye' Pierce for eleven years in the television series M*A*S*H and has acted in, written, and directed many feature films. He has starred often on Broadway and his avid interest in science has led to his hosting PBS's Scientific American Frontiers for eleven years. He was nominated for an Academy Award in 2005 and has been nominated for thirty EMMY awards. He is married to children's book author/photographer, Arlene Alda. They have three grown children and seven grandchildren.

Also by Alan Alda

See all

Praise for If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?

  • "A distinguished actor and communication expert shows how to avoid 'the snags of misunderstanding' that plague verbal interactions between human beings.... A sharp and informative guide to communication." Kirkus Reviews
  • "An enlightening and thoughtful combination of shared experience and advice." Booklist