> Skip to content

Article  •  16 June 2016

 

Coping with school pressures

Beautiful Failures author Lucy Clark offers 10 tips for parents.

What is going on with the crazy school pressure that kids are under today?

So many parents ask themselves this question, but don’t know what to do about it, and it wasn’t until my own daughter, my ‘beautiful failure’ opted out of school pressure – and failed school in general – that I started delving into questions about the way our education system works. What I found changed me as a thinker, and changed me as a parent, and challenges many accepted wisdoms about schooling.

We not only need to think about ways to cope with school pressure, but we need to look at the bigger picture of how we reduce school pressure. Until we can do that, here are my top ten tips for parents.

  1. Don’t worry about rankings – a number or a letter cannot describe your individual child, and a lot of children have strengths that aren’t measured by school systems.
  2. Don’t let homework become a point of conflict or a dreaded chore – if it is, don’t let your kids do it – it is a waste of precious playing time. Most importantly, do not DO your children’s homework.
  3. Don’t talk to your child’s teacher about grades. Talk to them about what engages your child, and about how they learn.
  4. Don’t try to get your kids into gifted and talented programs. Streaming is not what it’s cracked up to be.
  5. Don’t compare your child to others on the basis of grades. What is measured is so narrow and where they come in the class is meaningless.
  6. Be respectful to teachers – they are undervalued and underpaid and mostly have your child’s best interests at heart.
  7. Understand that the world is vastly different to when you were at school, so school is – or should be – different too.
  8. Do not worry about outcomes – worry about how much your child loves learning.
  9. Remember your child has only one childhood, and only one adolescence, and they should be having a good time. Adult worries are for adulthood.
  10. Join me in starting a vitally important and exciting conversation about the way we measure success and what school – and indeed, childhood – is for.

 

Feature Title

Beautiful Failures
'I want to tell you a story about my daughter, my beautiful failure. Every day of her high school life was a struggle. She woke up in the morning and the thought of going to school was like an enormous mountain to climb.'
Read more

More features

See all
Article
Examining education

Beautiful Failures author Lucy Clark dispels some well-worn education myths.

Article
Romantasy Recommendations

Wanting to get into reading romantasy but not sure where to start? Read on for our top picks of the genre!

Article
QUIZ: Which Hawthorne brother is your soulmate?

Take this quiz to find out which Hawthorne brother from The Inheritance Games series would be your perfect match.

Article
The Lottie Brooks books, in order

Don’t know which order to read the Lottie Brooks books? Find out which to read first, and learn a little bit about each book.

Article
Your guide to pre-ordering Alchemised

Learn how to pre-order Alchemised by SenLin Yu and join the thousands of readers who will start reading it on 23 September 2025.

Article
Penguin Picks for July: Books we've been loving

Want to know what books the Penguin NZ team have been reading and loving recently? Read on for our recommendations!

Article
Staff recommendations: Books we've been loving

Want to know what books the Penguin NZ team have been reading and loving recently? Read on for our recommendations!

Article
5 of the hottest YA books right now (2025)

Check out some of the hottest YA books in stores now, from epic romantasy to sweet, unexpected romance.

Article
Best historical fiction books to read in 2025

From tales of Ancient Greece to epics set in the Second World War, these are the historical novels at the top of our reading piles this year.

Article
How to save money on groceries: 6 innovative budget tips

Food shopping on a budget? These tips from Money-Saving Meal Plans With Chelsea will help you spend less on food.

Article
20 books like The Let Them Theory

Finished The Let Them Theory and wondering what to read next? Check out this list of 20 suggested picks that will leave you feeling inspired and empowered.

Article
Mother's Day Memories: Penguin Authors

For Mother's Day 2025 we're celebrating the power of books to bring us closer.

Looking for more articles?

See all articles