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  • Published: 5 March 2019
  • ISBN: 9780143772866
  • Imprint: Penguin eBooks
  • Format: EBook
  • Pages: 288

Invisibly Breathing




'Eileen Merriman creates genuine teenage characters' - NZ Books

A moving story about unconventional love, bullying and being true to yourself.

‘I wish I wasn’t the weirdest sixteen-year-old guy in the universe.’

Felix would love to have been a number. Numbers have superpowers and they’re safe – any problem they might throw up can be solved.

'If I were a five, I’d be shaped like a pentagon … there’d be magic in my walls, safety in my angles.'

People are so much harder to cope with. At least that’s how it seems until Bailey Hunter arrives at school. Bailey has a stutter, but he can make friends and he’s good at judo. And Bailey seems to have noticed Felix:

‘Felix keeps to himself mostly, but there’s something about him that keeps drawing me in.’

Both boys find they’re living in a world where they can’t trust anyone, but might they be able to trust each other, with their secrets, their differences, themselves?

  • Published: 5 March 2019
  • ISBN: 9780143772866
  • Imprint: Penguin eBooks
  • Format: EBook
  • Pages: 288

About the author

Eileen Merriman

Eileen Merriman is an award-winning New Zealand author of 14 novels for teen and adult audiences. Her intense and boundary-pushing books range from slow-burn thriller to dystopian science fiction to gripping medical drama, and have been variously published in the UK, Germany and Turkey as well as optioned for film and television.

Her debut YA novel, Pieces of You, was published in 2017 to much critical praise. The NZ Herald described it as ‘so compulsively readable it's hard to believe this is [Merriman’s] first published novel’ and poet and reviewer Paula Green wrote that it was ‘the kind of book you want to read in one sitting because it is so breathtakingly good…that will stay at the front of my mind all week and longer’. It was awarded a Storylines Notable Young Adult Book award and was a finalist in the Young Adult Fiction category of the New Zealand Book Awards for Children and Young Adults.

Nine more novels for young adults followed in quick succession, ranging from contemporary realism to a science fiction trilogy and a spinoff series, and these cemented Merriman as ‘an author to watch out for’. They featured in the Storylines Notable YA Books lists and Merriman was a regular finalist in the young adult fiction category of the New Zealand Book Awards for Children and Young Adults. A Trio of Sophies was also a finalist in the teen category of the Ngaio Marsh Awards for crime fiction in 2021.

In 2024, after several shortlistings, Merriman’s Catch a Falling Star won the New Zealand Book Awards Young Adult Fiction Award and NZ Booklovers Best Young Adult Book. A standalone novel exploring the backstory of a character from Catch Me When You Fall (2018), depicting the 15-year-old’s rapid spiral into a mental health crisis, the judges praised it as a ‘remarkably authentic portrayal…superbly written and frenetically paced’.

Merriman’s four works for adult audiences are populated with university students and young professionals and have been described as straddling a ‘new adult’ audience. Moonlight Sonata (2019), a deft exploration of a taboo relationship and intergenerational legacy, was longlisted for the Jann Medlicott Acorn Prize for Fiction 2020. Literary journal Landfall noted the author’s ‘gift for character drawing and, even more, for landscape painting. What seems “utterly real” is, of course, a very clever web of fabrication that draws us into conundrums we might never have been asked to contemplate’. The Weekend Herald praised Merriman’s skilful crafting and propulsive narrative – so much so that ‘only the most disciplined of readers will put the book down and turn the light off at a sensible time of night.’

For the Silence of Snow (2020), Merriman drew on her extensive medical background (she works as a consultant haematologist at Auckland’s North Shore Hospital) to write an ethical drama about addiction in the medical world. ‘Merriman is an instinctive storyteller with an innate sense of timing’ wrote Nicky Pelligrino for Newsroom. ‘There's a misconception that if a novel is easy to read then it must have been easy to write. If anything the opposite is true…paring a story to the essentials – an engaging plot, authentic characters, a world that comes alive – takes real craft.’ The Spinoff’s Catherine Woulfe declared that she ‘could pick Eileen Merriman’s writing anywhere…a particular minor key that rings across each page, clear and sharp and quick’.

Her third novel for adults, Double Helix, was hailed by Newsroom’s Steve Braunias as ‘one of the 10 best novels of 2021…a love story and a tearjerker and a blazingly topical examination into assisted dying’, while The Night She Fell (2024) was a return to psychological suspense – ‘Everyone is talking about this book’ said Pip Adam in RNZ’s Book Critic and Patricia Bell wrote, ‘I literally couldn’t put the book down…a big tick for Merriman from me. She joins the high-calibre group of established and emerging crime and thriller writers in Aotearoa.’

Merriman lives in Auckland with her school-aged children and husband.

Also by Eileen Merriman

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Praise for Invisibly Breathing

Author Eileen Merriman has created characters and situations which numerous young people can easily connect with. It makes this more than just a book to be read, but gripping literature which both celebrates love and also exposes society’s harmful behaviour towards love that is not considered ‘conventional’. As a reader, this made for a read that was both refreshing and thought-provoking. Rating 5/5 stars

Faga Tuigamala, Tearaway

Eileen Merriman is at the top of her game as a writer. Her descriptive prose is a delight and the dialogue between the characters is totally believable. She deals with a sensitive subject with aplomb and knowledge. I couldn't put it down and nor will you. Definitely senior fiction but anybody out there agonising over their sexuality be assured this is the book for you.

BobsBooksBlog

The novel tackles homosexuality and bullying – both at school and at home – and Merriman doesn’t shy away from the topics. They are handled professionally and realistically while also coming to a gritty end. The story itself cracks along at a smart pace, and the plot kept me turning pages. The story sucked me in and it was difficult reading the final quarter of the book because of the abuse. In saying that, the ending was a wonderful salve and was expertly handled by Merriman. It is, again, both realistic without being too clinical. Invisibly Breathing is an intensely moving story about unconventional love, bullying, and being true to yourself. It’s an important message for our youth to hear and I have no doubt it will be of immense help to some readers. For those not directly experiencing a life like Felix or Bailey, Merriman offers reassurance and understanding. Merriman is a formidable writer and her stories are an important addition to New Zealand young adult bookshelves.

Rebekah Fraser, NZ Booklovers

Eileen Merriman becomes a more skilful and confident storyteller with each novel. Invisibly Breathing (2019), her third young adult novel, introduces two completely convincing young men. The dialogue is crisp and convincing and their characters are well drawn. . . . Merriman has written a sympathetic account of the growing attraction between the two young men, but she has also created a plausible range of characters around them, so the reader can understand the tragic events which follow Felix and Bailey’s realisation that they are in love. Invisibly Breathing is a gripping account of two young men on the brink of manhood, uncertain and deeply involved emotionally, facing the reactions of their family and friends. It is also a story about infinity, prime numbers, text messages, prejudice, breathing, Facebook, acceptance and anagrams. It is a moving story, well told.

Trevor Agnew, Magpies

How on Earth is Eileen Merriman writing a book a year and making each one better than the previous one?! This tale of two troubled 16-year-olds finding in each other an oasis from everyday chaos is extremely well-executed. The story is told in alternating voices, and it is smoothly done – you never lose sense of time passing. In fact, it is so well done I ignored my family and finished it in a matter of hours. . . . Is Bailey the first bisexual person in New Zealand mainstream YA? I think this may be the case. How ridiculous is that – and how awesome is Merriman for changing it. . . . I think, as with her other two books, the emotional truth is what really pulls the reader in. . . . Merriman has a knack for keeping those pages turning, with short, snappy sentences and perfectly pitched chapter endings. The ending is fast-paced and explosive – and very satisfying. I recommend this for any teen who enjoys contemporary love stories, and books set in their own reality.

Sarah Foster, The Sapling

Bullying, homophobia and being an outsider - Merriman tackles plenty of tough topics in this moving and delicate novel. . . . Merriman's refreshing and modern take on romance is exactly where YA literature needs to be in 2019. Combine modern romance with topics such as bullying and belonging, add in a distinct New Zealand flavour, and this book is a winner. . . . Invisibly Breathing handles its tough topics with sensitivity and sophistication, and Merriman's writing is brave and fierce when it comes to dealing with difficult ideas in our society. . . . the calibre of Merriman's writing is simply one of the best in New Zealand's YA scene, and she knows how to keep readers hooked. . . . Merriman writes what teenagers want to read, and she certainly knows how to write it well.

Hannah Marshall, aged 16, NZ Books

Merriman explores themes of isolation, self-awareness, poverty, family violence and the tender joy of first love with a sure hand. Nothing preachy, just real, bitter-sweet life. . . . Merriman is a master at creating an authentic sense of voice, making Felix and Bailey compelling and engaging protagonists. I believed every word on every page and could not put the book down, devouring it in two days. I *achy groan* loved Invisibly Breathing.

Rachael Craw, KidsBooksNZ

The developing relationship between the two young men and their desire to be accepted by society, is the main focus of the book and is explored in a sensitive, straightforward manner. However, the relationships within their respective families remind us that while non-conventional relationships may be challenging in many ways, conventional relationships also have their pitfalls and the ability to turn sour. Highly recommended for young adults.

Anabel McPhee, NZ Book Council

Eileen Merriman's powerful third novel has an orthodox quality, too, though in her case it's the orthodoxy of super-real, super-current fiction. . . . Alternating between the two boys' voices, Invisibly Breathing outlines a sympathy that deepens into friendship, then affection, then mutual attraction. It deftly renders the wonder and fear of Felix and Bailey as they joyously, fearfully, comprehend the trajectory they're on. . . . It's a clever book. Ingenious chapter headings, smart sentences, inventive glides of plot and relationships. It's very contemporary, veined with phones and txts and Twitter and Grand Theft Auto V. There's a stadium-sized cast of kids, and Merriman gets their blitheness, erratic fuses, invulnerability-cum-fragility spot-on. . . her book is bloody good.

David Hill, NZ Books

Best of 2019: I really like reading her because the relationship between the two boys as they fall in love is really incredibly poetic . . . it's really, really beautiful . . . the language is beautiful and quite stunning.

Anna Daniell, Radio NZ

With genuine characters, true to life NZ settings and building tensions in their home and school lives, Felix and Bailey captured my heart. These boys loved their families but struggled with choices made by their parents. Both are used to mistreatment by their peers and wonder if they have finally found someone they can trust. Loved it!

Adele Broadbent, whatbooknext.com

This book is written in a pretty casual, easy-to-read sense. I’ll admit when I read the first page in the holidays I was like ‘not more math!’ but when I flipped the page and went into their world, I was instantly drawn in and dared to see how their loving tale was so true and heartfelt. If the author aimed to create a daring book portraying bullying and different love in the modern world, relating it to us all she definitely achieved it. It was quite easy to follow the storyline and was quite enjoyable too. Finally, I’d like to recommend this book to older readers as the context is a little advanced. But really to the people who are willing to breathe invisibly.

Sana, aged 13, Hooked on Books

Awards & recognition

Storylines Notable Young Adult Fiction Award

Shortlisted  •  2019  •  Book Awards for Children and YA

Storylines Notable Book Award

Awarded  •  2020  •  Storylines Notable Book

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