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  • Published: 23 February 2024
  • ISBN: 9781785045028
  • Imprint: Vermilion
  • Format: Trade Paperback
  • Pages: 368
  • RRP: $40.00

It's Not You

How to Identify and Heal from NARCISSISTIC People

A transformative guide to protecting and healing yourself from the narcissism you can't see, from psychologist and preeminent narcissism expert Dr Ramani Durvasula.


"A compassionate road map and survival guide for people in narcissistic relationships..." —Jay Shetty

From clinical psychologist and expert in narcissistic relationships Dr Ramani Durvasula, a guide to protecting and healing yourself from the daily harms of narcissism


Dealing with a narcissist is hard. One day their confidence and charisma pull you in, the next day they gaslight, wreck your self-confidence, and leave you wondering what you could have done differently. Clinical Psychologist and narcissism expert Dr Ramani is here to help. Drawing on more than 20 years of studying, teaching and helping people navigate the challenging landscape of narcissism, you’ll learn how to:

  • Spot the tell-tale signs of a narcissist
  • Confront toxic cycles
  • Protect your energy
  • Create realistic boundaries
  • Reclaim and embrace your true self

Packed with expert tips and detailed advice, this book will equip you with the tools to stop blaming yourself, regain your power, heal, and take back your life.
  • Published: 23 February 2024
  • ISBN: 9781785045028
  • Imprint: Vermilion
  • Format: Trade Paperback
  • Pages: 368
  • RRP: $40.00

About the author

Ramani Durvasula PhD

Dr Ramani Durvasula is a licensed clinical psychologist, Professor Emerita of Psychology at California State University Los Angeles and the Founder and CEO of LUNA Education, Training & Consulting. She discusses narcissism on her popular YouTube channel, on social media as @DoctorRamani on her popular online program on healing from narcissistic abuse and as the host of the podcast 'Navigating Narcissism' with Dr Ramani.

Praise for It's Not You

"A compassionate roadmap and survival guide for people in narcissistic relationships, helping them understand how to heal and thrive during and after these challenging relationships."

Jay Shetty

"A must read. Dr. Ramani will teach you how to heal from any toxic relationship. With her expert advice based on decades of research and clinical experience, she makes the impossible seem possible."

Mel Robbins

"In writing It's Not You, Dr Durvasula directly addresses victims of narcissistic abuse with targeted advice developed through years of clinical experience and research. I would highly recommend this book to anyone struggling in a relationship with a narcissist. Once you realise it's not you who is the problem, you can become the solution."

W. Keith Campbell, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Georgia and author of The Narcissism Epidemic

"It’s Not You tackles a subject matter so wildly misunderstood and offers a path forward for those who have been, or currently are in narcissistic relationships. With deep compassion, Dr. Ramani masterfully helps the reader shift from self-blame to seeing the picture clearly. What a profound gift it is to those who will see their experience written about in this book and feel a little less alone."

Vienna Pharaon, bestselling author of The Origins of You and host of the This Keeps Happening

"Whether you are looking to avoid damaging relationships, leave one, or finally move on from one, Dr Ramani has produced a work that is utterly essential for understanding the patterns we were never built to see coming. By lifting the veil on these people, she not only teaches us about them, but how to stop shaming ourselves for who we had to become to survive them. It’s Not You is not just life-saving, but life-restoring. More than a way out, it’s a way back, to yourself."

Matthew Hussey

"Emotionally abusive relationships take away our voice and our power, and Dr Ramani gives us the tools and teaches all of us how to take ourselves back and feel whole again."

Debra Newell, author of Surviving Dirty John

"What sets Dr Ramani apart is her valuable emphasis on healing from the damaging effects of a narcissist’s destructive behaviour. With a direct and compassionate approach, she reminds us that it is possible to heal. As always, Dr Ramani gives comfort and validation to the ‘lions’. It’s Not You is a gift."

Jenifer Faison, host of the Betrayal podcast

"Dr Ramani is one of the most respected experts on healing and narcissism. In this important book, I’m grateful she includes the often unseen world of grief and narcissism. She gives deep insights and sound advice on the experience of grief. It’s Not You is a must read."

David Kessler, author of Finding Meaning

"It’s Not You is, simply put, brilliant. In straightforward, clear language, Dr Ramani has created a framework for deeply understanding the complexities of, and healing from, this most insidious form of abuse. She challenges misconceptions and glaring gaps in knowledge of current paradigms in traditional psychology and with compassion and refreshing candor, guides us through hell - and back to our true selves."

Mark Vicente, NXIVM whistleblower and director of Empathy Not Included