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What Have I Done?
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  • Published: 23 April 2020
  • ISBN: 9781473582774
  • Imprint: Vintage Digital
  • Format: Audio Download
  • Length: 7 hr 26 min
  • Narrator: Laura Dockrill

What Have I Done?

Formats & editions
EBook
23 Apr 2020
Audiobook
23 Apr 2020
Paperback
6 July 2021
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A raw and honest memoir about being devastated by post-natal psychosis and coming through the other side.

Brought to you by Penguin.

'A book to save a whole generation of women'
Adele

'This moving book was a pleasure to read and I didn't want to put it down. If anyone is going through a similar experience it will make them feel less alone'
Philippa Perry


This is a raw and honest memoir about being devastated by post-partum psychosis and coming through the other side.

Laura Dockrill had an idyllic pregnancy and couldn't wait to meet her new baby. But as she went into labour things began to go wrong and Laura started to struggle. A traumatic birth, anxiety about the baby, sleep deprivation, a slow recovery - all these things piled up until Laura (like any new mum) felt overwhelmed.

As many as 8 out of 10 new mums struggle in the weeks after birth. In Laura's case these feelings escalated scarily quickly into post-partum psychosis. She became paranoid and delusional and had to be institutionalised for a fortnight without her baby. Throughout this time she was haunted by a sense of: 'What have I done?', at first as she wondered if she could cope with her baby, and later because she was trying to grasp at reality as she slipped into nightmarish delusion.

Laura's experience was devastating but this is a hopeful book. Not only has Laura slowly recovered she has come out the other side stronger and more assured about parenting on her own terms. Now she is determined to break the silence around post-natal mental health and with her story tell new parents: you are not alone.

*ONE OF STYLIST'S BEST NON-FICTION BOOKS FOR 2020 AND EVENING STANDARD'S BEST BOOKS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN 2020*


Praise for What Have I Done?

'A humblingly honest and human war report from the front lines of mothering psychosis and recovery; there is no other book like it, and it is so desperately needed'
Giovanna Fletcher

'This book will give women and their families confidence that the brain and body will heal. It will encourage other women to speak out'
Dr Jessica Heron, CEO of Action on Postpartum Psychosis

'A raw, honest, important book'
Caitlin Moran

'An amazing read. A comfort to women recovering who read this and realise that all their crazy mad thoughts were the illness; and not themselves'
Fiona Telford, postpartum psychosis survivor

©Laura Dockrill 2020 (P) Penguin Audio 2020
  • Published: 23 April 2020
  • ISBN: 9781473582774
  • Imprint: Vintage Digital
  • Format: Audio Download
  • Length: 7 hr 26 min
  • Narrator: Laura Dockrill
Categories:

About the author

Laura Dockrill

Laura Dockrill is an award-winning writer from Brixton, South London. She is the author of picture books Angry Cookie, The Lipstick and, most recently, Grey, illustrated by Lauren Child. Her first book for children, Darcy Burdock, was shortlisted for the Waterstones Book of The Year Prize and the Carnegie Medal, and her young adult novel Big Bones was shortlisted for the YA Book Prize 2018 and earned her plaudits like 'Top 10 Literary Talent' from The Times newspaper and 'Top 20 Hot Faces to Watch' from Elle magazine.
portrait photo of Laura Dockrill

Also by Laura Dockrill

I Am Strong Just Being Me
Darcy Burdock: Angrosaurus Rex
Darcy Burdock: Oh, Obviously
Darcy Burdock: Sorry About Me
Darcy Burdock: Hi So Much.
Darcy Burdock
See all

Praise for What Have I Done?

I saw the end of the world in her eyes. I knew she was in there somewhere but she was being held prisoner by her mind and we were all helpless to it. Sometimes things happen to us which means we can save other people, my own experience with mental health helped save her and now here she is about to save a whole generation of women!

Adele

Having had a terrible time after the birth of my first born I was so overwhelmed with relief that Laura wrote this book for those of us who didn’t have the fairytale. What I think it’s important to know is that even though things don’t always go to plan and all parents make mistakes it doesn’t mean your aren’t a superhero or a power mum in your own right. Thank you Laura for making us all feel worthy and all feel more love for our children than ever before. We don’t make them, they make us and that can manifest in so many different ways. A must read for all of those muddling through.

Paloma Faith

This is a generous, humane, brave gift of a book. Its guts and humour spoke to me loud and clear. I wept for Laura, women I love, and ones I’ve never met, many times throughout. There’s a conspiracy of silence around so many of areas of birth and new motherhood, and Laura is breaking the glass ceiling of it, with glorious honesty, humour and humility. I salute you, Laura - you’re a fucking warrior!

Sophie Dahl